I Spy A Dragonfly Which Tells Me I Have Veils in my Eyes

I have been seeing dragonflies for sometime. They are really very pretty with shiny wings - ethereal as if they come from another world. Only a few days ago did it hit me that it was a power animal passing along a message.

You see with power animals, they would keep appearing until you finally get the message. After many incidences with the turtle (telling me to slow down), the horse (telling me to be graceful with the flow), and just not too long ago the squirrel (to reserve energy, or whatever resources), the dragonfly came shortly after.

The dragonfly was popping in and out for sometime. The other day while I was driving, this dragonfly flew alongside my car all the way from the highway to midvalley. So I thought perhaps it was my little green dragon playing around again. It was still quite an extraordinary thing. This was when I knew it was a power animal message.

So I googled that up. There were many things about what dragonflies bring. Making magic, creating something new, etc. But what caught my eye was this: "Dissolving illusion". I thought..illusion? What illusion? I don't have illusions. I have only truths. Yet it was nagging at my heart.

Yes, oh how naively egoistical sometimes a personality can be. Last weekend I went for a healing session. It was terribly intense. I cried for two hours while talking about things, digging things out that I buried deep. Everything I thought was my truth became lies I had been telling myself for a very long time. I am still recovering, as it was really a whole truckload of stuff. All those old feelings, all at once...it wasn't pleasant.

Yes...all illusions. Shattered. Like glass. Some still poking the sides of my heart. Some went into my eye which tears at my tearglands from time to time. Some seemed to have settled deep within my core, that gives into depression and despair.

But what is difficult is knowing I have NO MORE EXCUSES. I cannot hide behind these veils anymore. No more poor-me-no-one-loves-me. No more God-owes-me. No more everyone-else-sucks-but-me. It's a slap right and left across the cheek and then a whack at the backside.

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even know if I can ever love again, since what I once thought was love is nothing more than an addiction to fear. And another part is still in denial because the feelings can get really awful. I now question my every move and thought - is this real or am I being delusional again?

This weekend has to be the darkest one I have had in a very long time. The heart is tender, because it is now open. No more running away from demons. Yet oh so vulnerable. Truly a breakthru...the heart is truly broken thru.

No wonder I was so resistant to the healing session. And it was an invitation - I usually accept it with gratitude! This higher self/soul/angels know what to send my way, really. I am awed.

It's all been one neat nice little heart chakra healing after another. Last weekend, Kundalini Yoga, then Anne Jones Healing Evening, which proceeded to a beautiful heart chakra session for my Lightbody Course. And that's when all fossils cracked open...gradually but surely.

Am I oK now? I don't know. I feel OK, but those old emotions come back from time to time. I really don't know much anymore.

Yes, this was what the Dragonfly was saying.

And immediately after the Dragonfly, the Wolves came. I didn't see actual wolves, it was through my third eye - very sharp images. Three of them with yellow eyes. One stayed with me throughout the weekend. Perhaps that's where I got this additional inner strength to pull myself together and to lift myself out of that dark space. Also lightbody on the heart chakra helped a lot. Lightbody started it and wrapped it up. I feel OK now. And lighter than before.

Life feels different. Where am I? Not sure...Here there everywehre nowhere. Staying put where I geographically am, yet I am travelling everyday into different spaces. At this point, it's still sort of bittersweet.

Me and Pet Plants

Looks like my pet money plant wanted to do the world a service - the rat world that is. This morning I woke up and found that all that was left of my money plant was two and a half leaves! These hungry rats ate my green friends right down to the roots - I am surprised they didn't even drink the water too!

You see, I don't have that many plants. For some reason this thumb isn't green enough or something. I stayed away from gardening after many failed attempts to get my plants growing.

Then one day, two years ago, my friend gave me a stalk of money plant. I thought Ok-la, since it's a gift, I'd really nurture it.

Nurtured it I did. Gave it spring water vitamin-ized by these sea essences. At times I gave it some wheatgrass powder (it's a drink for humans but my dad has been using it on his flowers and they were super effective!). Then lately I bought these crystals fertilizers that really helped its growth. Then there were the weekend sessions of reiki and light transmission. To top that off, at the bottom of my glass bowl, I pasted a Flower of Life symbol.

At one time, to keep my money plant close to me, I brought it to work with me everyday and bring it back home every weekend - roots, leaves, bowl and all.

In the span of two years, what was just a stalk with four leaves, this plant grew into a thriving green one with over 20++ leaves. It was a great gardening success for me!

So as I grew confident that my plant is 'old enough' to grow on its own, I permanently placed it at home in a backroom where the morning sun was the strongest there. I check on it every morning as it gave me pleasure to see my pot of plant radiating brightly in the sun.

Sigh...not this morning, though.

Oh well...I guess my plant had to do what it had to do. I hope the rats (as pesky as they can be) make good use of this 'sacrifice'. Forgiving them and moving on now...

...to my neem tree.

A month ago I bought a neem tree for charity reasons during a Himalaya product roadshow. It is a lovely tree, about three feet high with dainty leaves spread out in a welcoming manner. I connected with it immediately as her leaves brushed against my skin and rustled in the wind. Yes, I dubbed it as a "her" because I could feel a light and gentle feminine energy emanating from this plant.She really feels more alive and communicative than my money plant that it really surprised me.

I really know nuts about neem trees. I googled online and found out some things about it: like it would grow to 8ft in a year and when it's still a young thing, water would cause its root to rot. So there I went into plant-parent mode again. Everyday for two weeks I carried it out into the sun in the morning, and carried it back into the shade when it starts to rain. I watered it every two days and sent light and love from time to time.

But, instead of growing nicely, I found the bottom leaves were yellowing out and started to fall! I tuned in and asked what's wrong. I got a reassuring message that nothing's wrong and I needn't be overattentive over it. It was a sturdy tree and would survive on its own.

So intuitively I just brought it out and placed it next to my Dad's thriving plants. I have left it there for about two weeks already, letting the sun and rain take care of it.

And, guess what, it grew many inches high with new shoots at the top. I began to understand that each time it grew a little taller, the bottom leaves must wilt out so that the trunk can form. It's the nature of growth of this tree.

I do connect to her from time to time - okla, I AM talking to my tree. Not verbally though. I found I could just do it telepathically...like now seated here at the office. I'd just tune in and I could feel her energy. Of course it's different from human's because plants' energy is lighter and more monotonous.

She loves attention and needs a lot of loving energy. I have a feeling she picked me that day. Because at that time, when the Himalaya salesperson asked if I would like to buy a neem tree for charity, I told him no. But as I walked away, I got this strong urge to buy it. It was just RM10 and was for charity, after all. I am glad I did. The moment the salesperson placed in my hands, she felt 'pet-like' already.

Anyhow, Neem wants a larger flower pot now as she needs more space to grow. Like truly attracts like, I guess...even the types of plants that I would nurture. :) And like cats, dogs and crystals, THEY choose you.

Move Over Telephone, Here Comes Telepathy!

I had a telepathic exchange with my friend Nicholas last night. We were chatting online and he was telling me about his spiritual experience of oneness. Of course with these things, you can't really describe with words. I was having a hard time "feeling" his words.

So I said, "Hey, send the experience over." - as if I was just asking him to send over a jpeg. Under any normal circumstances, this is a really unusual request, of course. But since he and I were as metaphysical and as woo-woo as any new ager can be, telepathy seemed to be a more efficient and logical (yes, logical!) way of communicating at that point.

"OK, gimme two mins," Nic said.

"I'll prepare to receive now," I told him.

Within 5 minutes, I felt myself being filled with energy. It was a much stronger energy, more intense and more masculine. I was actually expecting a feeling or an image, but this felt very much like those times when I enter a highly energetic room. I was already feeling waves of energy flapping against me, and there was a sense of expandedness within me.

I felt twinges of joy, and neutrality. I couldn't understand any of it. But I felt completely strange.

So I got back online. At this point, the energy was intense, and my heart felt like an inflated balloon. "I feel like I am going to burst," I told Nic. That brought about a deep fear and I was on a verge of a panic attack.

Nic asked me take a few deep breaths and then went off for another few minutes.

After awhile, I felt myself getting grounded again, relaxing and calming down.

Nic was back online, "Better?"

"Actually, yes. What happened?"

"I detached from you."

Nic explained that before this, we had energetically enmeshed. He was actually getting energy imprints of me, and on my side, I had indeed received what he was projecting. I began to understand what was going on. That feeling of expansion was actually close to his experience, but because I am not adept as he was on connecting with oneness, I couldn't let go and cross that threshold which takes me to a higher state. The feelings of joy that arose was actually part of him, and when we momentarily meshed, I felt his energetic make-up as well. In a way, yes, he became part of me, and me part of him. And wasn't that a glimpse of oneness?

This is not the first time I had experienced energy enmeshment. In my earlier post I have mentioned about feeling the presence of my friend with me during my downest days; that's a telepathic exchange as well.

Nic said that we are always connected this way anyway, just that this time we consciously tuned in. So the other person's energetic impressions would linger in the mind cell / mind space.There's still much to explore. But this experience was certainly an eye-opener!

But as I ponder about this somemore, I realize once I open the telepathic lines with someone consciously, it's like they stay connected 24-7! For instance, as I sit here, I can somehow tap into my other friend's mind space, or I can feel him in my mind space.

Nic told me that we can consciously tune it off by intending it. That's what I am currently exploring. I realize that I can easily tune in, but tuning off is another story!!

All in all, it's not as freaky as it sounds! Hahha...in fact, it's something that I have used with my sis Audrey since we were very young - unconsciously of course. We could finish each other's sentences and all. Just recently we played a telepathic game.

"Hey, guess which clothing store is opening at MidValley?" Audrey asked me.

"I dunno..." I told her.

"Guess-la.."

"Ok, you send the answer to my mind," I told her. "Make it more feeling, ya. And put visuals and sounds to it too."

"Done. I even pictured the name hard and how it feels to walk into that store."

For the first five minutes nothing came. But I was getting slight impressions, a sense of familiarity. But I couldn't put my finger where I had experienced that feeling. I ran a few stores in my mind, but they didn't click.

"Nothing yet," I told Audrey. "But it would come later." Yes, it does. I have to come to understand that receiving telepathic messages like these, is very much like emails. You can check on it later.

Sure enough, as we both head to the washroom, it came - as I was seated down on the toilet seat. Truly, the toilet is one of the best thinking places!! Haha. But I was not even thinking about it much. The energetic impression just arrived out of nowhere. And then I got a name: It was Nichii. It was a clear cut answer, no frills. And I knew I got it right.

"Is it Nichii?" I asked Audrey.

"OMG, yes!" she said.

Now that's so cool... :)

The Facebooking Starts...

Finally, after much cajoling from Victor, I got meself me Facebook. I was resistant to these sorta network websites/programs after the overwhelming spammy messages and invitations I got from Friendster.

Haha, but now that I am on Facebook, I know I'd be hooked! There's so much to do! I have heard about it from a gazillion people, of course - I am not THAT severe a frog under the coconut shell. My bro, Kevin has been talking about his very long-named penguin pet on Facebook. Colleagues have been playing chess on it. Other friends have been sending me invitations and asking everyone whether they have been 'added'. So where's mine?

I was like...oh...nahh, no need. After all, I AM a proud owner of an MSN chat console that has only ten people on it. Nope, less is more. Er, yeah right...now that I am Facebooking, I am fervently adding people on my list. OKLA...so actually I LOVE PEOPLE!

As I told my friend Chris yesterday...no man is an island. I tried being one sometime ago. Much that I have been hibernating on one with many coconut shells for me to hide under, it's time to come out. I guess Facebook officiated that...

The Codes of Manifestation

Thanks to Lightworks, I caught the world premier of the movie The Moses Code. It was a blast. I have to say it’s something the Secret so sorely needs for a little more depth. I mean, let’s be honest…after tinkering with LOA manifestation stuff for so long, you would begin to realize that it takes more than thoughts and emotions to manifest something. Well, I have been there. So it’s fair for me to say that while I enjoyed the Secret, I have always seen it as only being the tip of the spiritual iceberg. And here, Moses Code provides us with diving gears so we can swim a little deeper into the ocean of spiritual knowledge to find that pearl of wisdom behind LOA, manifestation and the likes.

I wouldn’t say Moses Code gives all the answers. For what truth is THE Truth, but only our personal perceptions of how the world should be? This is how I see ourselves as creators - because if we can perceive what is real to be real and we can also choose what we wish to perceive, then who are creating our realities? Yes. You. Me.

In that case, why not perceive our realities to be love, peace, joy… (fill in the blanks here with your favourite quality)?

Yes, you can, for you are that.

That love, that peace, that joy. You are all That! And so am I…
I Am That. Yes, really, I AM. I Am That, I Am!

Mind-boggling? Why the word play and tongue twisters? Well, it’s not called the Moses CODE for nothing. Those five words plus that one comma summarize what Moses Code is all about. Like symbols and mantras, I like things like these because they KISS (Keep It Short & Simple) many complicated concepts into something that is easy to remember.

Anyway, I am not going to go into the details here, because the movie’s website has all the info, AND I did promise myself to KISS this post. But really, check that movie out for yourself.

But before I finish this up, there’s one more thing that I always love saying to people: Forget being Good, Be GOD. Thanks to Moses Code, now I have one more good reason to say this more. Because…
G=Giving
O=Oneness
D=Destiny

The Huffs and Puffs

Does completion come with a sense of being overwhelmed? That's exactly how I am feeling now. Sigh. I have like about 20 write-ups to do and it seems that I can't wrap-up my final two mags. Dunno what I am attracting. Sigh.

Yes, finally, I have resigned from my 3-year job at the magazine after pondering for over 6 months. Soul was already nudging hard, the inner self was already shouting in my ear and the heart had already gone to lunch since October last year when it came to the mags. I had dodged, I had pretended I didn't hear those inner sighs and I had pushed and pulled to get my energy going with the forms. I crashed emotionally one day a few weeks ago, and I knew that was it.

Sure, all it took was a white envelope and a one-paragraph letter. But since then all kinds of fears popped up like long lost buddies. And that was why it took me so long to let go of something that I knew was over for me. These 'buddies' weren't exactly best friend material, if you know what I mean.

During these few weeks it's like a big noisy party with all my little selves trying to get a spot in my mind to tell me the boos-boos and woos-woos of my decision. Yeah, these tiny tots huffed and puffed and tried to blow my inner home down. Thank God for the Soul who just sits there, observing with amusement.

And so light and dark battles on. Freaky Fearies scurrying all around as the en-Lighted parts move around my inner space like exterminators. Sometimes deep in the night the Freakies sneak up on me and give me panic attacks. Other times they play the old tapes of unworthiness. But one by one, the shadows have nowhere to run, no more rocks to hide under. And that scares the hell out of me/them.

I had plunged into an extreme fear of void and loneliness. Having identified with many of those old beliefs for so long, when they leave, it's like a big crater-like hole in me. Oh, the sense of loss.

That brought frequent crying feats. Confusion. And the latest to join the Emo-Club is the constant blueness.

But then, what's hovering in the air between all this? The Soul smiling gently, the heart in delight and angels offering their hands. And, that's the only solace that I can find. LOVE is the only solace. LOVE is the only freedom.

Within all the emptiness, only then I can experience LOVE. Within the emptiness only LOVE can fill the void. It's that kind of LOVE that the brain and her troop of Freaky Follies would never understand. Because it has no name, no form, no nothing. Yet it makes me weep because of the immense sense of gratitude. Yet it makes me sing silently in my heart. Yet it is calming when everything goes berserk. It's bliss for no reason...

Whew, and I feel loads lighter and happier now... All this is comes from the Soul, yet again. Now I remember again why I am doing this at all. And why the slight pain I am experiencing now with is just a process to transition to the next new thing in my life (which honestly I still dunno what it is)

Here, Soul's smiling and I know everything's going to be ok...

AWOL at Emo-DisneyLand

I realized that it's been over one month since I posted up anything. I am in a sort of hibernation mode, and when I am here, let's just say the cat got both my tongue and hand. Even for this short update-post, I am struggling with the words. Sigh...what's going on?

Over the past five weeks, old issues and emotions have been creeping up at every chance. From anxiety attacks that got me fearing I would go crazy and die to moments of bliss, where I cared little if the world died on me; it was one emotional ride. For now, I am feeling all blue and melancholy for no reason. Crying feats have been more frequent - I just had one yesterday. I was bawling my heart out in a foetal position on the floor not knowing what the huge grieving pain and despair I was feeling was all about. And as sudden as it came, it was gone after that round of tears.

And if my personal emotions aren't enough to take me to Emo-Disney Land, I am now like a walking, talking emotional detector. All the clearing work I have been doing must have opened the windows to the energetic input from other people (emotions and thought forms). I believe it's called clairsentience/telepathy or empath traits.

Eg: if Dad is feeling unhappy, I feel it. If Mom is feeling frustrated, I take on that frustration. If sis is having a bad day with her issues, thoughts would be reeling in my head the whole day accompanied by a congested a feeling in my heart area.

On the bright side, when you get the unpleasant ones, you get the pleasant ones as well. I found out that I can energetically tune into someone (by sending out a telepathic intention) and make connection with him/her. If she/he is opened to my invitation to connect, I would feel a flush of easy flow of energy and at that moment, it would feel as if I am actually with this person. It's a wordless kind of connection, which I don't really know how to explain.

Last night, I was in the depths of my doldrums. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but I needed some comfort. Prior to that I have been meditating, chanting and listening to soothing music to relieve myself from the depression I was feeling. It helped a little but I was still feeling pretty down.

I was tired, but I couldn't really sleep. Then the thought of this person who's always been there for me came to mind. I tuned in and wordlessly asked: "Can I come in?" At that moment, I felt as if a door was thrown opened and this person was beckoning me with arms wide open. I felt a complete sense of comfort, safety and support. I silently said thank you a few times before falling asleep.

Was it solely my imagination? Did this person really respond telepathically to my call for comfort? I am fascinated as this has never happened to me so consciously before. In fact, I have been feeling this person's presence with me very constantly for many weeks now; that even when we don't see each other for weeks, it doesn't feel that way.

What is this boundary-less connection? It's amazingly better than telephones and MSNs. However I realize that it doesn't work with just about anyone. I have tried it on a few people, and the lines of connection with some are either dead and dry like a rusty telephone line, defensive and disconnected as if they built walls around their space or cluttered and very static. In other words, I can't just get through.

So it's indeed rare how clear and open this person's telepathic space is. I am just wondering if it's because we are on the same wavelength and that's why the lines are clearer. There's much to explore.

But one thing's for sure: as physically alone as we all are, we are never alone. Loneliness is actually my biggest hurdle on this spiritual path. It's inevitable that the higher we climb this mountain, the less people who would be with us. But with the realization that we are all connected non-physically, it seems less scarier now.

And to that someone who's always been there energetically (I have a feeling you would know it's you when you read this) , I say thank you again. :)