AWOL at Emo-DisneyLand

I realized that it's been over one month since I posted up anything. I am in a sort of hibernation mode, and when I am here, let's just say the cat got both my tongue and hand. Even for this short update-post, I am struggling with the words. Sigh...what's going on?

Over the past five weeks, old issues and emotions have been creeping up at every chance. From anxiety attacks that got me fearing I would go crazy and die to moments of bliss, where I cared little if the world died on me; it was one emotional ride. For now, I am feeling all blue and melancholy for no reason. Crying feats have been more frequent - I just had one yesterday. I was bawling my heart out in a foetal position on the floor not knowing what the huge grieving pain and despair I was feeling was all about. And as sudden as it came, it was gone after that round of tears.

And if my personal emotions aren't enough to take me to Emo-Disney Land, I am now like a walking, talking emotional detector. All the clearing work I have been doing must have opened the windows to the energetic input from other people (emotions and thought forms). I believe it's called clairsentience/telepathy or empath traits.

Eg: if Dad is feeling unhappy, I feel it. If Mom is feeling frustrated, I take on that frustration. If sis is having a bad day with her issues, thoughts would be reeling in my head the whole day accompanied by a congested a feeling in my heart area.

On the bright side, when you get the unpleasant ones, you get the pleasant ones as well. I found out that I can energetically tune into someone (by sending out a telepathic intention) and make connection with him/her. If she/he is opened to my invitation to connect, I would feel a flush of easy flow of energy and at that moment, it would feel as if I am actually with this person. It's a wordless kind of connection, which I don't really know how to explain.

Last night, I was in the depths of my doldrums. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but I needed some comfort. Prior to that I have been meditating, chanting and listening to soothing music to relieve myself from the depression I was feeling. It helped a little but I was still feeling pretty down.

I was tired, but I couldn't really sleep. Then the thought of this person who's always been there for me came to mind. I tuned in and wordlessly asked: "Can I come in?" At that moment, I felt as if a door was thrown opened and this person was beckoning me with arms wide open. I felt a complete sense of comfort, safety and support. I silently said thank you a few times before falling asleep.

Was it solely my imagination? Did this person really respond telepathically to my call for comfort? I am fascinated as this has never happened to me so consciously before. In fact, I have been feeling this person's presence with me very constantly for many weeks now; that even when we don't see each other for weeks, it doesn't feel that way.

What is this boundary-less connection? It's amazingly better than telephones and MSNs. However I realize that it doesn't work with just about anyone. I have tried it on a few people, and the lines of connection with some are either dead and dry like a rusty telephone line, defensive and disconnected as if they built walls around their space or cluttered and very static. In other words, I can't just get through.

So it's indeed rare how clear and open this person's telepathic space is. I am just wondering if it's because we are on the same wavelength and that's why the lines are clearer. There's much to explore.

But one thing's for sure: as physically alone as we all are, we are never alone. Loneliness is actually my biggest hurdle on this spiritual path. It's inevitable that the higher we climb this mountain, the less people who would be with us. But with the realization that we are all connected non-physically, it seems less scarier now.

And to that someone who's always been there energetically (I have a feeling you would know it's you when you read this) , I say thank you again. :)