SoulStudio Blog

I Spy A Dragonfly Which Tells Me I Have Veils in my Eyes

2008-07-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

I have been seeing dragonflies for sometime. They are really very pretty with shiny wings - ethereal as if they come from another world. Only a few days ago did it hit me that it was a power animal passing along a message.

You see with power animals, they would keep appearing until you finally get the message. After many incidences with the turtle (telling me to slow down), the horse (telling me to be graceful with the flow), and just not too long ago the squirrel (to reserve energy, or whatever resources), the dragonfly came shortly after.

The dragonfly was popping in and out for sometime. The other day while I was driving, this dragonfly flew alongside my car all the way from the highway to midvalley. So I thought perhaps it was my little green dragon playing around again. It was still quite an extraordinary thing. This was when I knew it was a power animal message.

So I googled that up. There were many things about what dragonflies bring. Making magic, creating something new, etc. But what caught my eye was this: "Dissolving illusion". I thought..illusion? What illusion? I don't have illusions. I have only truths. Yet it was nagging at my heart.

Yes, oh how naively egoistical sometimes a personality can be. Last weekend I went for a healing session. It was terribly intense. I cried for two hours while talking about things, digging things out that I buried deep. Everything I thought was my truth became lies I had been telling myself for a very long time. I am still recovering, as it was really a whole truckload of stuff. All those old feelings, all at once...it wasn't pleasant.

Yes...all illusions. Shattered. Like glass. Some still poking the sides of my heart. Some went into my eye which tears at my tearglands from time to time. Some seemed to have settled deep within my core, that gives into depression and despair.

But what is difficult is knowing I have NO MORE EXCUSES. I cannot hide behind these veils anymore. No more poor-me-no-one-loves-me. No more God-owes-me. No more everyone-else-sucks-but-me. It's a slap right and left across the cheek and then a whack at the backside.

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even know if I can ever love again, since what I once thought was love is nothing more than an addiction to fear. And another part is still in denial because the feelings can get really awful. I now question my every move and thought - is this real or am I being delusional again?

This weekend has to be the darkest one I have had in a very long time. The heart is tender, because it is now open. No more running away from demons. Yet oh so vulnerable. Truly a breakthru...the heart is truly broken thru.

No wonder I was so resistant to the healing session. And it was an invitation - I usually accept it with gratitude! This higher self/soul/angels know what to send my way, really. I am awed.

It's all been one neat nice little heart chakra healing after another. Last weekend, Kundalini Yoga, then Anne Jones Healing Evening, which proceeded to a beautiful heart chakra session for my Lightbody Course. And that's when all fossils cracked open...gradually but surely.

Am I oK now? I don't know. I feel OK, but those old emotions come back from time to time. I really don't know much anymore.

Yes, this was what the Dragonfly was saying.

And immediately after the Dragonfly, the Wolves came. I didn't see actual wolves, it was through my third eye - very sharp images. Three of them with yellow eyes. One stayed with me throughout the weekend. Perhaps that's where I got this additional inner strength to pull myself together and to lift myself out of that dark space. Also lightbody on the heart chakra helped a lot. Lightbody started it and wrapped it up. I feel OK now. And lighter than before.

Life feels different. Where am I? Not sure...Here there everywehre nowhere. Staying put where I geographically am, yet I am travelling everyday into different spaces. At this point, it's still sort of bittersweet.

Me and Pet Plants

2008-04-10T11:03:00.002+08:00

Looks like my pet money plant wanted to do the world a service - the rat world that is. This morning I woke up and found that all that was left of my money plant was two and a half leaves! These hungry rats ate my green friends right down to the roots - I am surprised they didn't even drink the water too!

You see, I don't have that many plants. For some reason this thumb isn't green enough or something. I stayed away from gardening after many failed attempts to get my plants growing.

Then one day, two years ago, my friend gave me a stalk of money plant. I thought Ok-la, since it's a gift, I'd really nurture it.

Nurtured it I did. Gave it spring water vitamin-ized by these sea essences. At times I gave it some wheatgrass powder (it's a drink for humans but my dad has been using it on his flowers and they were super effective!). Then lately I bought these crystals fertilizers that really helped its growth. Then there were the weekend sessions of reiki and light transmission. To top that off, at the bottom of my glass bowl, I pasted a Flower of Life symbol.

At one time, to keep my money plant close to me, I brought it to work with me everyday and bring it back home every weekend - roots, leaves, bowl and all.

In the span of two years, what was just a stalk with four leaves, this plant grew into a thriving green one with over 20++ leaves. It was a great gardening success for me!

So as I grew confident that my plant is 'old enough' to grow on its own, I permanently placed it at home in a backroom where the morning sun was the strongest there. I check on it every morning as it gave me pleasure to see my pot of plant radiating brightly in the sun.

Sigh...not this morning, though.

Oh well...I guess my plant had to do what it had to do. I hope the rats (as pesky as they can be) make good use of this 'sacrifice'. Forgiving them and moving on now...

...to my neem tree.

A month ago I bought a neem tree for charity reasons during a Himalaya product roadshow. It is a lovely tree, about three feet high with dainty leaves spread out in a welcoming manner. I connected with it immediately as her leaves brushed against my skin and rustled in the wind. Yes, I dubbed it as a "her" because I could feel a light and gentle feminine energy emanating from this plant.She really feels more alive and communicative than my money plant that it really surprised me.

I really know nuts about neem trees. I googled online and found out some things about it: like it would grow to 8ft in a year and when it's still a young thing, water would cause its root to rot. So there I went into plant-parent mode again. Everyday for two weeks I carried it out into the sun in the morning, and carried it back into the shade when it starts to rain. I watered it every two days and sent light and love from time to time.

But, instead of growing nicely, I found the bottom leaves were yellowing out and started to fall! I tuned in and asked what's wrong. I got a reassuring message that nothing's wrong and I needn't be overattentive over it. It was a sturdy tree and would survive on its own.

So intuitively I just brought it out and placed it next to my Dad's thriving plants. I have left it there for about two weeks already, letting the sun and rain take care of it.

And, guess what, it grew many inches high with new shoots at the top. I began to understand that each time it grew a little taller, the bottom leaves must wilt out so that the trunk can form. It's the nature of growth of this tree.

I do connect to her from time to time - okla, I AM talking to my tree. Not verbally though. I found I could just do it telepathically...like now seated here at the office. I'd just tune in and I could feel her energy. Of course it's different from human's because plants' energy is lighter and more monotonous.

She loves attention and needs a lot of loving energy. I have a feeling she picked me that day. Because at that time, when the Himalaya salesperson asked if I would like to buy a neem tree for charity, I told him no. But as I walked away, I got this strong urge to buy it. It was just RM10 and was for charity, after all. I am glad I did. The moment the salesperson placed in my hands, she felt 'pet-like' already.

Anyhow, Neem wants a larger flower pot now as she needs more space to grow. Like truly attracts like, I guess...even the types of plants that I would nurture. :) And like cats, dogs and crystals, THEY choose you.

Move Over Telephone, Here Comes Telepathy!

2008-04-08T13:00:00.002+08:00

I had a telepathic exchange with my friend Nicholas last night. We were chatting online and he was telling me about his spiritual experience of oneness. Of course with these things, you can't really describe with words. I was having a hard time "feeling" his words.

So I said, "Hey, send the experience over." - as if I was just asking him to send over a jpeg. Under any normal circumstances, this is a really unusual request, of course. But since he and I were as metaphysical and as woo-woo as any new ager can be, telepathy seemed to be a more efficient and logical (yes, logical!) way of communicating at that point.

"OK, gimme two mins," Nic said.

"I'll prepare to receive now," I told him.

Within 5 minutes, I felt myself being filled with energy. It was a much stronger energy, more intense and more masculine. I was actually expecting a feeling or an image, but this felt very much like those times when I enter a highly energetic room. I was already feeling waves of energy flapping against me, and there was a sense of expandedness within me.

I felt twinges of joy, and neutrality. I couldn't understand any of it. But I felt completely strange.

So I got back online. At this point, the energy was intense, and my heart felt like an inflated balloon. "I feel like I am going to burst," I told Nic. That brought about a deep fear and I was on a verge of a panic attack.

Nic asked me take a few deep breaths and then went off for another few minutes.

After awhile, I felt myself getting grounded again, relaxing and calming down.

Nic was back online, "Better?"

"Actually, yes. What happened?"

"I detached from you."

Nic explained that before this, we had energetically enmeshed. He was actually getting energy imprints of me, and on my side, I had indeed received what he was projecting. I began to understand what was going on. That feeling of expansion was actually close to his experience, but because I am not adept as he was on connecting with oneness, I couldn't let go and cross that threshold which takes me to a higher state. The feelings of joy that arose was actually part of him, and when we momentarily meshed, I felt his energetic make-up as well. In a way, yes, he became part of me, and me part of him. And wasn't that a glimpse of oneness?

This is not the first time I had experienced energy enmeshment. In my earlier post I have mentioned about feeling the presence of my friend with me during my downest days; that's a telepathic exchange as well.

Nic said that we are always connected this way anyway, just that this time we consciously tuned in. So the other person's energetic impressions would linger in the mind cell / mind space.There's still much to explore. But this experience was certainly an eye-opener!

But as I ponder about this somemore, I realize once I open the telepathic lines with someone consciously, it's like they stay connected 24-7! For instance, as I sit here, I can somehow tap into my other friend's mind space, or I can feel him in my mind space.

Nic told me that we can consciously tune it off by intending it. That's what I am currently exploring. I realize that I can easily tune in, but tuning off is another story!!

All in all, it's not as freaky as it sounds! Hahha...in fact, it's something that I have used with my sis Audrey since we were very young - unconsciously of course. We could finish each other's sentences and all. Just recently we played a telepathic game.

"Hey, guess which clothing store is opening at MidValley?" Audrey asked me.

"I dunno..." I told her.

"Guess-la.."

"Ok, you send the answer to my mind," I told her. "Make it more feeling, ya. And put visuals and sounds to it too."

"Done. I even pictured the name hard and how it feels to walk into that store."

For the first five minutes nothing came. But I was getting slight impressions, a sense of familiarity. But I couldn't put my finger where I had experienced that feeling. I ran a few stores in my mind, but they didn't click.

"Nothing yet," I told Audrey. "But it would come later." Yes, it does. I have to come to understand that receiving telepathic messages like these, is very much like emails. You can check on it later.

Sure enough, as we both head to the washroom, it came - as I was seated down on the toilet seat. Truly, the toilet is one of the best thinking places!! Haha. But I was not even thinking about it much. The energetic impression just arrived out of nowhere. And then I got a name: It was Nichii. It was a clear cut answer, no frills. And I knew I got it right.

"Is it Nichii?" I asked Audrey.

"OMG, yes!" she said.

Now that's so cool... :)

The Facebooking Starts...

2008-04-08T12:59:00.002+08:00

Finally, after much cajoling from Victor, I got meself me Facebook. I was resistant to these sorta network websites/programs after the overwhelming spammy messages and invitations I got from Friendster.

Haha, but now that I am on Facebook, I know I'd be hooked! There's so much to do! I have heard about it from a gazillion people, of course - I am not THAT severe a frog under the coconut shell. My bro, Kevin has been talking about his very long-named penguin pet on Facebook. Colleagues have been playing chess on it. Other friends have been sending me invitations and asking everyone whether they have been 'added'. So where's mine?

I was like...oh...nahh, no need. After all, I AM a proud owner of an MSN chat console that has only ten people on it. Nope, less is more. Er, yeah right...now that I am Facebooking, I am fervently adding people on my list. OKLA...so actually I LOVE PEOPLE!

As I told my friend Chris yesterday...no man is an island. I tried being one sometime ago. Much that I have been hibernating on one with many coconut shells for me to hide under, it's time to come out. I guess Facebook officiated that...

The Codes of Manifestation

2008-04-05T21:34:00.006+08:00

Thanks to Lightworks, I caught the world premier of the movie The Moses Code. It was a blast. I have to say it’s something the Secret so sorely needs for a little more depth. I mean, let’s be honest…after tinkering with LOA manifestation stuff for so long, you would begin to realize that it takes more than thoughts and emotions to manifest something. Well, I have been there. So it’s fair for me to say that while I enjoyed the Secret, I have always seen it as only being the tip of the spiritual iceberg. And here, Moses Code provides us with diving gears so we can swim a little deeper into the ocean of spiritual knowledge to find that pearl of wisdom behind LOA, manifestation and the likes.

I wouldn’t say Moses Code gives all the answers. For what truth is THE Truth, but only our personal perceptions of how the world should be? This is how I see ourselves as creators - because if we can perceive what is real to be real and we can also choose what we wish to perceive, then who are creating our realities? Yes. You. Me.

In that case, why not perceive our realities to be love, peace, joy… (fill in the blanks here with your favourite quality)?

Yes, you can, for you are that.

That love, that peace, that joy. You are all That! And so am I…
I Am That. Yes, really, I AM. I Am That, I Am!

Mind-boggling? Why the word play and tongue twisters? Well, it’s not called the Moses CODE for nothing. Those five words plus that one comma summarize what Moses Code is all about. Like symbols and mantras, I like things like these because they KISS (Keep It Short & Simple) many complicated concepts into something that is easy to remember.

Anyway, I am not going to go into the details here, because the movie’s website has all the info, AND I did promise myself to KISS this post. But really, check that movie out for yourself.

But before I finish this up, there’s one more thing that I always love saying to people: Forget being Good, Be GOD. Thanks to Moses Code, now I have one more good reason to say this more. Because…
G=Giving
O=Oneness
D=Destiny

The Huffs and Puffs

2008-04-03T15:41:00.004+08:00

Does completion come with a sense of being overwhelmed? That's exactly how I am feeling now. Sigh. I have like about 20 write-ups to do and it seems that I can't wrap-up my final two mags. Dunno what I am attracting. Sigh.

Yes, finally, I have resigned from my 3-year job at the magazine after pondering for over 6 months. Soul was already nudging hard, the inner self was already shouting in my ear and the heart had already gone to lunch since October last year when it came to the mags. I had dodged, I had pretended I didn't hear those inner sighs and I had pushed and pulled to get my energy going with the forms. I crashed emotionally one day a few weeks ago, and I knew that was it.

Sure, all it took was a white envelope and a one-paragraph letter. But since then all kinds of fears popped up like long lost buddies. And that was why it took me so long to let go of something that I knew was over for me. These 'buddies' weren't exactly best friend material, if you know what I mean.

During these few weeks it's like a big noisy party with all my little selves trying to get a spot in my mind to tell me the boos-boos and woos-woos of my decision. Yeah, these tiny tots huffed and puffed and tried to blow my inner home down. Thank God for the Soul who just sits there, observing with amusement.

And so light and dark battles on. Freaky Fearies scurrying all around as the en-Lighted parts move around my inner space like exterminators. Sometimes deep in the night the Freakies sneak up on me and give me panic attacks. Other times they play the old tapes of unworthiness. But one by one, the shadows have nowhere to run, no more rocks to hide under. And that scares the hell out of me/them.

I had plunged into an extreme fear of void and loneliness. Having identified with many of those old beliefs for so long, when they leave, it's like a big crater-like hole in me. Oh, the sense of loss.

That brought frequent crying feats. Confusion. And the latest to join the Emo-Club is the constant blueness.

But then, what's hovering in the air between all this? The Soul smiling gently, the heart in delight and angels offering their hands. And, that's the only solace that I can find. LOVE is the only solace. LOVE is the only freedom.

Within all the emptiness, only then I can experience LOVE. Within the emptiness only LOVE can fill the void. It's that kind of LOVE that the brain and her troop of Freaky Follies would never understand. Because it has no name, no form, no nothing. Yet it makes me weep because of the immense sense of gratitude. Yet it makes me sing silently in my heart. Yet it is calming when everything goes berserk. It's bliss for no reason...

Whew, and I feel loads lighter and happier now... All this is comes from the Soul, yet again. Now I remember again why I am doing this at all. And why the slight pain I am experiencing now with is just a process to transition to the next new thing in my life (which honestly I still dunno what it is)

Here, Soul's smiling and I know everything's going to be ok...

AWOL at Emo-DisneyLand

2008-03-24T18:34:00.003+08:00

I realized that it's been over one month since I posted up anything. I am in a sort of hibernation mode, and when I am here, let's just say the cat got both my tongue and hand. Even for this short update-post, I am struggling with the words. Sigh...what's going on?

Over the past five weeks, old issues and emotions have been creeping up at every chance. From anxiety attacks that got me fearing I would go crazy and die to moments of bliss, where I cared little if the world died on me; it was one emotional ride. For now, I am feeling all blue and melancholy for no reason. Crying feats have been more frequent - I just had one yesterday. I was bawling my heart out in a foetal position on the floor not knowing what the huge grieving pain and despair I was feeling was all about. And as sudden as it came, it was gone after that round of tears.

And if my personal emotions aren't enough to take me to Emo-Disney Land, I am now like a walking, talking emotional detector. All the clearing work I have been doing must have opened the windows to the energetic input from other people (emotions and thought forms). I believe it's called clairsentience/telepathy or empath traits.

Eg: if Dad is feeling unhappy, I feel it. If Mom is feeling frustrated, I take on that frustration. If sis is having a bad day with her issues, thoughts would be reeling in my head the whole day accompanied by a congested a feeling in my heart area.

On the bright side, when you get the unpleasant ones, you get the pleasant ones as well. I found out that I can energetically tune into someone (by sending out a telepathic intention) and make connection with him/her. If she/he is opened to my invitation to connect, I would feel a flush of easy flow of energy and at that moment, it would feel as if I am actually with this person. It's a wordless kind of connection, which I don't really know how to explain.

Last night, I was in the depths of my doldrums. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but I needed some comfort. Prior to that I have been meditating, chanting and listening to soothing music to relieve myself from the depression I was feeling. It helped a little but I was still feeling pretty down.

I was tired, but I couldn't really sleep. Then the thought of this person who's always been there for me came to mind. I tuned in and wordlessly asked: "Can I come in?" At that moment, I felt as if a door was thrown opened and this person was beckoning me with arms wide open. I felt a complete sense of comfort, safety and support. I silently said thank you a few times before falling asleep.

Was it solely my imagination? Did this person really respond telepathically to my call for comfort? I am fascinated as this has never happened to me so consciously before. In fact, I have been feeling this person's presence with me very constantly for many weeks now; that even when we don't see each other for weeks, it doesn't feel that way.

What is this boundary-less connection? It's amazingly better than telephones and MSNs. However I realize that it doesn't work with just about anyone. I have tried it on a few people, and the lines of connection with some are either dead and dry like a rusty telephone line, defensive and disconnected as if they built walls around their space or cluttered and very static. In other words, I can't just get through.

So it's indeed rare how clear and open this person's telepathic space is. I am just wondering if it's because we are on the same wavelength and that's why the lines are clearer. There's much to explore.

But one thing's for sure: as physically alone as we all are, we are never alone. Loneliness is actually my biggest hurdle on this spiritual path. It's inevitable that the higher we climb this mountain, the less people who would be with us. But with the realization that we are all connected non-physically, it seems less scarier now.

And to that someone who's always been there energetically (I have a feeling you would know it's you when you read this) , I say thank you again. :)

To Break or Not to Break?

2008-02-15T22:41:00.005+08:00

I am a big fan of Prison Break. For the last two seasons, I have watched all episodes back-to-back. OK, going to come clean here. It's because of Wentworth Miller. He really played the main character Michael Scofield really well. Intelligent, good-looking. Hehhe. For me, intelligence is a sexy factor. :P And when you top that with good looks - vavavoom. Haha.

But I am thinking of giving up Season 3,even with 6 episodes downloaded fresh out of the Fox TV. Not because it's not good, or Michael's killed, or anything like that. In fact, everything about it is still clever, twisted and edgy - and 3x more of that edginess! So what's wrong? Well, halfway through the second episode of Season 3, I realized I couldn't stomach any of the violent scenes on screen anymore. It was just too much for me.

The sypnosis seemed harmless enough: this season of Prison Break takes viewers to Sona, a prison in Panama where rules do not apply, and guards refuse to work there because they couldn't control the inmates anymore. It was portrayed as the ultimate hell on earth. And the producers really did a good job reproducing that.

That aside, it's actually an interesting watch because now Michael does not have anything planned at all. How is he to escape? I really want to follow through how he manages it. But I cannot stand watching the torture, cruelty and inhumane things in Sona - eventhough of course everything is fictional. Violence makes me sick - and it literally did, because after watching I had bouts of stomachache.

But it made me think: what had that show triggered in me? My fear of darkness?

Perhaps I can continue watching with a different mindset. I actually think I can turn this into a somewhat educational thing: I can take on the challenge of watching with full awareness and not identifying with everything I see. And then checking to see what kind of emotions it actually triggers - maybe it might help me to see something in myself that I have never seen before. Some clues to some fears I have long buried within?

Ok la...let me give it another two more episodes...then I'd decide. Going to make this TV watching a mindful one then...indulge with a reason...

Re-membering Love From Inside Out

2008-02-12T18:42:00.000+08:00

Today I had an epiphany on Love Wisdom. Right after I woke up in my groggy state at 6.30am this morning and done my morning meditation and hit the first key on my keyboard to journal, the information and insights started to come like a tap turned to its max. Perhaps the Divine took my article on Love Wisdom yesterday as an affirmation that I indeed am serious and diligent about pursuing the path of Love and Wisdom. I am telling you, writing things down has such power.

Insights rarely come to me during meditation. It's always during shower, toilet breaks, dinnertime, sleeping time, etc. And they are always in concepts that I would have to figure out on my own. What I do is type it out and then see what comes out from there. Almost always as I do that, it would all make sense.

I do think that when I get those concepts, it's from the Soul and Heart, and when the Mind is willing to understand it and explore that concept, the Mind would help to form sequences, sentences and all to work out the insight into understandable information. I really really like doing this. Frankly? It gives me a certain kind of high and I can do this the entire day and never get tired of it.

So today was one of the most intense and comprehensive of Insight download. It was non-stop and I was just typing and typing. I was excited because I have never seen the topic of Love in such a clear light before. For four hours I was typing and typing. No reference from any books, all from the mind. At one point I was even asking the questions and the answers come back addressing me as "you". As if someone was talking to me. I think I might have channeled today.

Channeled who? I don't know and don't really care much because the insights were more important. Perhaps it was my Soul. It sounded almost like me, but I have to admit, now that I think about it, the English was rather odd. The expression of sentences were quite foreign. And it's an energy I am somewhat familiar with, but never actually thought about it - because it was very subtle like a gentle breeze, yet strong in every word. No guesswork to the answers she gives me. Yes, I can feel it's a she, or maybe not, but the energy is soft and feminine. She is also very steady and sure. And loving in a grounded way - not the giddy, sweet and sugary way.

Oh well, maybe I am talking to my Inner Self, Higher Self. But while I am curious, it's OK not to know for now because the insights were all that matters.

When I get a chance to complete the arrangement of the concepts I have received today, I will post it up on my main page. Sharing insights always lead to more, and affirm firmly more of what I know.

Thank you Divine, for allowing me to experience the answers to What is Love.

Early Bird

2008-02-10T09:46:00.002+08:00

Usually 10am is the time I start work. Or on days that I don't have to work, it's when I am still asleep with the sun on my rear end. But today, a Sunday, I have already completed this blog post and an article before 10am. Thanks to waking up early at 6am.

Today was the first morning I put my Wake Up Early habit into test run (read here about how I created the plan). I actually woke up before the first alarm went off, without needing to shake of grogginess or a reward to pull me off my bed.

However last night was a different story. I went to bed at 10.30pm, but only fell asleep after 1 am. I guess it’s because it’s the Chinese New Year break, and having rested enough for so many days, I wasn’t at all tired.

Yes, so some people say to get up and do something if we can’t fall asleep after 10mins. But I chose to stay on and focus on relaxing my body. After all, my motive for going to bed early also includes giving my physical self a good rest. If I got up, I’d sure be indulging the mind in too many thinking stuff again.

But it wasn’t easy. My feelings cycled between boredom, impatience, and anxiety. Yet I could always release them with reminders:
Boredom: This is good relaxation practice which benefits my body and mind.
Impatience: What am I rushing to do next? The only agenda for the night is rest.
Anxiety: All I need to do is just to show up for this practice. No need to sleep.

Finally, of course I slept. It’s only four hours of course, but I actually woke up feeling refreshed. I’d probably feel tired in the afternoon. A 20 mins nap would alleviate that.

It’s a good start. The body, having being used to sleeping after midnight would surely be confused when I start resting at 10. But I know with the right mindset, I can make this work.

And I gained something this morning: productivity! I have finished doing some laundry, yoga exercises, a 40-min long meditation and now this post. Like consistency, productivity also happens, and cannot be made to happen. It’s amazing to see how one seed intention (waking up early) can awaken one quality after another.

Related Articles:
The Soul Aspects of Creating a Habit: Waking Up Early Purposefully

6/2/2008 - Eve of a Prosperous New Year

2008-02-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

I was wondering: Where's the Chinese New Year spirit? Where's the sense of excitement, the lucky prosperous feeling that is supposed to be Chinese New Year-ish?

Today's the Eve and we just had our reunion dinner, a Chinese equivalent to guai lo's Thanksgiving. I felt it was rather low key, and well...ordinary. Where's the festive feeling? It felt like just another dinner day with my dad, mom, sis and brother.

Then as I turned on the red lanterns outside my house, a thought hit me. I realized: It felt 'ordinary' tonight because throughout the year, all of our dinners at home had that family-festive ambience anyway. Every dinner was just as lavish as the one we had on our table tonight. Every dinner was just as cheerful and joyful as the one we had tonight. There were always laughs, silly jokes and light-hearted discussion accompanying the usual 5-dish,1-soup dinner that my dad could magically whip up in an hour or two. Then after dinner, we would usually gather in the living room to watch TV, eat dessert or drink juices, talk and discuss about our lives, eat fruits, talk about the silly people on TV, eat ice-cream, gossip about other silly people in our workplaces - all in the same evening (not necessarily in that order) as Wah Lai Toi aired one HK drama after another.

The only difference today was that we had 7 dishes and 1 soup, twice as much goofing around between my siblings and I at the dining table, my sister sang CNY songs instead of her usual favourite Jewel numbers, and there were fireworks popping outside.

So what does that mean?

Oh My God of Prosperity! We are actually celebrating Chinese New Year every single day!

Yes. We are blessed to be able to bring such festive spirit to the dinner table as an everyday thing. So much so, these happy, prosperous feelings had been made as a given, a natural thing. If dinners are any time quiet and there aren't any jokes between us, that would mean something was off.

And, since it's an everyday thing, we tend to take all this this for granted. I know I did or I wouldn't have wondered about the absence of CNY spirit. Because it was always there, I didn't notice it anymore. Like a fish asking "where's water?" Yes, it's completely absurd.

But this year, for the first time in all of my 28 celebrations of CNY Eves, I finally jumped out of the bowl, and saw the water.
And I was like ooohh...whoaaa...the God of Prosperity (Choi San Yeh) had been with us all the time! First there's the abundance of food, the sturdy roof over our heads and the healthy bodies to enjoy all of it. Then there's the abundance of love - one that we experience as a family sharing our daily lives together: the closeness, the unity, the intimacy, the joy. In the book of Family Prosperity, that pretty much sums up the main ingredients to prosper ala heaven-on-earth style. Everything else in between are only more of the Divine's generous toppings, spices and garnishes to make life tastier.

So it's funny now, how we go onto auto-complain mode about why Prosperity Yeh Yeh wouldn't choose our house (we KNOW because we didn't strike any of the Magnum 4D, Toto and Lottery numbers we bought). Hence, autopilot again, we start doing all sorts of prayer rituals with a smorgasbord of oranges, chickens, joss-sticks, sticky glutinous rice, pink coloured cakes, etc..to entice...I mean..to invite The Almighty Prosper over, so he could drop by with some of his gold ingots (he's like the Santa Claus of the East, you see, but we prefer cash over plastic toys).

How completely absurd, yet again, to think Prosperity can be bought, when we already have it in the first place! Haha. Yes I laugh now, but I have been in that kind of absurdity for more than 2 decades.

So today it's not so much of a reunion dinner to get the entire Wong clan together so we can wish everyone more Prosperity; but really a celebration of the close union we have always had as a family and to give thanks for the abundance we experienced all this time.

So forget the formalities, conventionalities and superficialities of Eve's Reunion Dinners (it really takes away the fun, trust me) and instead dive right into the heart of it and embrace the spirit of love, abundance and gratitude that lives in this spiritual day. Then let this energy flow into your New Year and empower the entire year. If you ask me, that's what true prosperity is really all about.

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone, and may you find your God of Prosperity within you...

Related Articles:
Gratitude: A Shortcut to Feeling Good
The Art of Manifesting Through the Soul

2/2/2008 - A Ritual on Imbolg (Em-Bulk)

2008-02-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

It's interesting to work with specific energies on specific days. I received something from my friend Harris a week ago on a ritual to transform things I'd like to release from my life. This ritual works with the energy of Goddess Bridget, and it's scheduled to be carried out today.

Here's the description Harris sent to me:

Who is Goddess Brid?

Also Bridget, Brigit, Bride and Brighid.

Her name comes from the old Irish brigh meaning "power". She was the great mother Goddess of Ireland. At one time in history, most of Ireland was united in praise and worshop of her. She probably was the same with Dana, the first great mother Goddess of Irish.

Brid represents the supernal, mother, fertility and creative inspiration. She has been worshipped as a warrior and protector, a healer, a guardian of children, a slayer of serpents and a Goddess of Fire and the sun.

She was credited with inventing the Irish mourning wall called caoine (keening) when she mourned her son Ruadan, her child by her husband Bres, who was killed in a battle. Part of her essence is still said to reside in Beansidhe, the faery spirit whose keeing can be heard at night before death.

In the fifth century, her shrine at Kildare was desecrated and adopted as a holy site by Christian missionaries. They turned her into their Saint Bridget. They took her Sabbat, Imbolg and created their own feast fays for her.

Brid can aid you in virtually any endeavor you wish to undertake.

The festival Imbolg (Em-Bulk) is also known as Candlemas is a day which honoes the Virgin Goddess as the youthful bride of the returning of the Sun God in Spring.

Imbolg falls on Feb 2 08 (that's today for the Northern Hemisphere: Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Penang, Bangkok, Hong Kong, Oslo, London, Tampa, New York and Vancouver). This day is also the waning moon, which is a good time to release and clear all that do not serve us.

The Fire Ritual with Goddess Brid (Goddess Bridget)
On a piece of paper, write all aspects of yourself or your life that you wish to release. This could be anything from doubts about your abilities, fear of success, jealousy, fear of not having enough, anger and so on.

After you have completed the list, spend a minutes to center yourself.

Call in your angels and guides. Finally call the Goddess Brid. Ask her to assist to release the negative aspects into the fire.

Using a cauldron or a fire resistant container, light a small fire.

Call for the Goddess to transmute and transform the list in the fire. Gently release the list into the fire.

With a soft focus in your eyes, see all the negative aspects of you and your life being transmuted and transformed by the fire.

After the fire has died, thank your angels and guides. Thank Goddess Brid.
* please use common fire safety procedures and common sense when working with fire.

Description courtesy of Harris Surya Jahim, gifted channeler and medium and teacher and practitioner of Angel Miracles and Isis Lotus Healing. Harris' website: www.harris-surya-jahim.com

I started on the ritual after I finished typing the above. It was really simple and easy.

First, I typed out my list of the negative aspects, printed it out in A5 (the smaller the piece of paper, the easier it burns). Here's my to-burn list:

What I Am Releasing to be Transformed into Higher Aspects of Light and Love

Aspects of myself

~~Easily jealous~~
~~Tendency to harbor resentment and hold on to grudges~~
~~Tendency to gossip~~
~~Arrogance, Blind Pride~~
~~Know-it-All, Holier than Thou attitude~~
~~Inconsistency and fast to give up on routines that are good for me~~
~~My evil side which sometimes cook up really evil thoughts~~
~~Vengeful, difficulty in forgiving~~
~~Condescending~~
~~Over-anxious~~
~~Easily creates emotional attachment~~
~~Fear of the dark~~
~~Feeling of lack~~
~~Approval and attention seeking~~
~~Difficulty in accepting all of my self, tendency to be really self-critical~~
~~Critical of others~~
~~Fear of intimacy~~
~~Fear of abandonment~~
~~Guilt~~
~~Overanalytical and overthinking mind, monkey mind~~
~~Easily irritated, frustrated, angry, moody~~

Aspects of my life

~~Working for someone, having others determine what my timeframe should be~~
~~Always needing to first please my parents before I can make a decision~~
~~Letting money be the source of my happiness instead of having happiness be the source of my abundance~~
~~Always feeling guilty whenever I have something good and my siblings don’t~~
~~The fatigue, low energy, and not so healthy feelings in my physical body~~
~~Difficulty in managing my empath traits~~

(I crossed out all the above as a symbol of having burned away those aspects)

Then I went searching for something to burn it in. I found a clay jar about 6 inches high in the storeroom.

I began the ritual as stated above, calling in Higher Guidance. But before that, I imagines myself in a golden circle and evoked spiritual protection. I also used Harris' method of visualising myself on a blue lotus and surrounded by three purple pyramids: one, around myself on the lotus, with the pointy part facing upwards, another around my room and the last one is a big one surrounding my entire house - this one is coupled with an inverted one where the flat part is where the ground is, and the pointy part pointing towards the center of the earth.

To start the fire I burned a few tissues in the jar first and then asked Goddess Brid to 'magic-up' the fire. Then I put my list into the fire. (If you burn the list directly, the flames won't lap up the paper so nicely - tissues make good fire starters).

I watched as the white coloured list dissolved into the orange-y fire, turning into ashy grey. I visualised all the negative aspects losing its darkness and being transformed into light.

As the fire died down, I called on Violet Fire and transmitted it into the jar. I visualised the jar which had smoke coming out, being filled with purple flames.

Then I was done. I thanked all the Higher Guides and let the jar cool down before I washed the ashes away and poured the ashy water into a potted plant - to return energy back to Earth for recycling.

I think this one is the simplest one, compared to some of the ones I found online like from: Earthwitchery and Moonlit River. For more info on Bridget, check out Real Magick, Lady Bridget or simply google up "Goddess Bridget".

An Episode of Synchronicity

2008-02-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

KB has been featured here in this free online metaphysics magazine called Cosmic Lighthouse. The interview was definitely a good read - could almost hear his voice speaking those words. There are many quotes which are authentically and trademarked-ly KB's! :)

For some reason that interview inspired me to talk about Lightworks from my perspective. Probably because my experience with that new age store is, well, somewhat new-agey too...haha!

I stumbled upon - no, come to think of it, I was actually guided to Lightworks. I suspect it is Orin's energy that led me to this cosy, welcoming new age spot.

I took up a Creating Money course (by Orin) at Clove&Clive sometime in Jan 07. My facilitators were close friends with KB, so they casually mentioned him and Lightworks a couple of times. Some brochures were also lying around at C&C. I got curious and I went online to see what it was all about. That was how I knew about the place. At that time, I made a mental note: "ok this weekend I am going to go check out the place."

Didn't happen for the next 40 weeks or so, really. I don't know why, but it was either I couldn't find the place or something came up. After a few weeks I totally forgot about Lightworks.

Then sometime in mid-2007, I was introduced to another friend who owns this cafe called Lily Cenario, who knew KB. My friend, Shirley talked about him on and off. Again, the name Lightworks came up. At that time, I had began hanging out at Lily Cenario (it's also a new age cafe) quite a bit and got to know people who were taking classes and workshops at Lightworks. My interest piqued again, but again I never made it to that store.

That was until late 2007, when I actually met KB in person at a Ba Zhi seminar by Mike Lin. I felt a bit awkward meeting him the first time because at that point he's become somewhat like a household name whenever it comes to metaphysical stuff. But the awkwardness turned into a sense of familiarity - perhaps it's because I have heard so much about him from others. Then again, intuitively speaking, it's this similar kind of knowingness, a 'click' that whenever I meet someone who's going to make a significant impact in my life. And I know, because these sort of 'synchronistic' meetings with people who I call my "Divine messengers" are not an everyday thing; although these days it's become more and more frequent. Not to categorize anyone, but I loosely call them my Divine messengers, because it's always at that point of my life when I am ready to change and grow; when I asked and prayed for an answer to questions that would change my life - and they appear at the perfect time delivering the exact 'message' that I needed. My other Divine Messengers are of course, book authors who are dead and alive (but I would probably never meet). So it was pretty cool to meet a Divine Messenger in real person. :P

After that first meet-up, one fine day, in the midst of feeling very upset and crushed because of an ongoing relationship issue, I drove around KL trying to shake that feeling off.

Out of the blue, a thought hit me: "Today is a good day to check out Lightworks." At that time, I had no idea how to get there. I had forgotten the address but I roughly knew it might be somewhere in Bukit Bintang ... or not. I was then inside the Smart Tunnel where it forked out into two routes: one to Jalan Sultan Ismail and the other to Jalan Tun Razak. Which to take? So I said out loud: "OK, angels, since this seems to be an intuitive call, take me there. "

I took the Jalan Sultan Ismail route which lead me right to Bukit Bintang. I still didn't know if it's really there. I was prepared to get lost. Oh well, a drive would shake me out of my painful emotions, I decided.

Then, ten minutes later, I found myself in front of the new age store. I wondered how in the world I could randomly get myself there without any directions, or an address at all!

I met KB there and had a short chat with him. So did I get my Divine message? Nope, not that day. But I signed up for a crystal healing workshop - coincidentally (or not!) that had been getting my attention for sometime. Coincidentally (or not), KB was also at that workshop.

Yes, so I got that message I was intuitively looking for. And it was about the Divine Wills, or more commonly known as the 7 Rays.

Perhaps it was a nudge from my angels, or my Soul, or maybe Orin or the Great Lords themselves. Perhaps it was the perfect timing. Perhaps my Soul decided this path was the best path for me to develop my spirituality. I don't know, but it all seemed right. Everything unfolded like a screenplay or something.

But one thing's for sure: the Rays changed my life. I got started working with the 7 Rays easily, comfortably and fuss-free! Sure a bit of effort was needed to learn the initial methods, but after awhile it just felt as if I was resuming something I had always known how to do. It felt more like a returning to a part of my Self than it was about learning a new tool.

I am surprised at my commitment to this innerwork, as I usually fall in and out of interest with other spiritual techniques. The Rays' not the end of it, of course, but they have given me a strong foundation. And I am everyday saying thanks to this particular synchronistic event that led me to it.

I don't know why I felt compelled to write this down. Perhaps as a reminder to myself of how prayers are always answered.

The buzz of urgency I first felt when I first got acquainted with both KB and Lightworks has somewhat settled as I pen this down. I don't feel that strong push which I had been getting a few months ago to do something at Lightworks anymore. I now realize it's an urgency within me to integrate Ray-works into my daily life. After the DW workshop a few weeks ago, there's a sense of contentment, and completion, and intuitively I know this phase of learning is done, at least for the time being.

These days, another sense of urgency is building up - on the subject of Compassion and Love Wisdom. I am reading a book by Osho on Compassion now, and it hit many familiar chords in me. At the same time, I keep getting the nudge to explore Buddhism to understand what Love with Wisdom is all about. There's also another intuitive inner call to work with Kuan Yin. I really don't know what's next as I am just following all the inner nudges. And I trust it to unfold perfectly like it did last time - although it feels a lot like I am going round in circle these days!

Anyway I still love dropping by Lightworks just to soak in the energy - there's something very happy about the ambience there. And mind you, this is NOT an advertorial for Lightworks (and I am NOT getting paid fyi :P). Besides, I have enough of sales writing at work, I certainly won't use Soulstudio for this! Haha!

Related Articles:
Journey with the Divine Wills
How to Recognize a Truly Powerful Person

God is on the Runway

2008-01-31T13:08:00.000+08:00

I am hooked on Project Runway. It's a reality TV show produced by Heidi Klum showcasing fashion designers competing their clothing designs against each other.

The show's fascinating to watch because it's all about creative manifestation in action. All the designers have to start with is just a concept and raw materials like fabric and buttons. Everything else comes from thin air!

Amazing. The competition is more of a test of mental strength more than anything else. Can someone be creative in a highly-stressed environment? Can they keep their cool and keep on working despite the clock is ticking? Of course, tempers flare, some break down, some cry. There's a lot of drama going on. But in the midst of it, they are all very talented designers, creators, manifestors.

It motivates me. It reminds me a lot of my archi days as well, where it's similarly that way: we get a concept, and the end product of which would a house, apartment or office is literally whipped out of thin air. And of course time is always, always a factor.

It also reminds me how designs are always fluid and the only constant about it is change. No one can tell what would come out of each of those ream of fabrics. No one can control the design. The potential is there, the creative energy is there - but whether it really meets the mark is another different story. There's no formula. It's all co-creativity. All these designers are catalysts and vehicles for that greater intelligence to bring forth a creative form. In the end, God is in the details.

My Body is My Temple

2008-01-15T16:59:00.000+08:00

I'm here now at Tanjong Jara Resort for another travel writing assignment for the magazine. Didn't really expect them to forward an invitation to me so quickly after the last one to Bali. But I'm happy to have it anyways, and I consider it a birthday gift from the Universe! Thank you!

Spiritually, the highlight of this working holiday is 'honor your body.' For the past few weeks I realized I had been living in my head - I was overanalyzing almost everything in my life - especially relationships. Questions came and the Ego tried to answer everything, but of course I only ended up with a really heavy head most of the time. I could practically feel my head area fluffed with thought forms. Also, I was obsessively overanalyzing everything. Yet, I couldn't pinpoint what was bothering me - I was feeling dispassionate, lifeless and I wanted to sleep all the time.

So happened I got this book "The Power of I Am" by John Maxwell Taylor. I had began reading when I got here and I couldn't put it down. As I believe there are no coincidences, it was the perfect book for me at this time. Taylor's main message was for us to get out of our heads and get in tune with our body to allow the energy of I Am to flow through.

I have never been comfortable with the physical aspect of myself. I never liked sports, and I preferred to indulge in mindworks most of the time - thinking, reading, analyzing. And I wondered why I feel ungrounded most of the time, considering my head was constantly in the clouds!

This book brought me down to Earth - it was the wake-up call I needed. I realized I was really getting out of balance with too much upper chakra work. And this resort was the perfect setting to practice it all.

With tropical gardens and a beautiful beach surrounding me, you might think that it's easy to get into that groundedness state since Mama Nature was all around. But the mind/ego/personality was totally uncomfortable about that. When I first got here, I was experiencing frustration and slight depression. I couldn't really relax. But since there was minimal modern stimulation here, there was really nothing else to do. Except sleep.

I slept the entire day the day before. Right after breakfast, took a short nap. Right after lunch took another nap. Then I went to bed early. It was good. Of course it helped that the room interior was totally cosy. YTL has a way of doing their resorts this way.

It was like having sleep therapy. In between all practising the tips from the book on how to go out of the head and come back to the body, I feel more alive today than I was a week ago.

On the second day, there was a spa treatment scheduled, so that put me back into a relaxed state. The itinerary was actually really packed, but I canceled everything just to get a grip of myself. And it worked.

Frequent naps somehow de-cluttered my head and the grounding techniques and massages made me pay attention to my body - hands, feet, everything. As I type this I realized I was going through a mental detox. While I managed to get into a state of serenity on and off, in between that were other discomforts like stomach bloating up, nausea, headaches, eye irritation, dry throat and skin rash. I thought I had an allergy to something. But I realized now they were all symptoms of detox. After all, detox-ing shouldn't just be limited to physical toxins, right?

Nature was a big help. When those symptoms came up, I turned to the sun for recharging me, the Earth to ground me, the waves to help me release, the colorful flowers all around to cheer me up and the grass to refresh me.

The mind is calm as I type this now. So often that when we journey on our spiritual path, and unconsciously the ego can slip in to take over and fill your mind with plain clutter that is masked as spiritual studies because the personality loves being intellectual. We can easily lose our balance when this happens. And for me, it is important to come back again and again to my body when I get a tad too intellectual for my own good.

And from today, I HONOR MY BODY. I TUNE IN TO LISTEN TO WHAT MY BODY NEEDS. Simple and sorta cliche, right? I mean I have heard and read about it all the time. But funny I never learned the real meaning of it until now.

28 Candles

2008-01-12T21:46:00.000+08:00

I received this beautiful angel figurine from my sis for my birthday today. Yeap...exactly 28.

Some astrologers say the ages 28-30 marks the Saturn Return where it's a time of endings and beginnings. There would be major questioning about life's direction as we come to the crossroads of life. Things take a 360 degree turn - every area of life from your career, relationships, etc. Identity Crisis. Growth. Frustration.

Why does all this sound so familiar?

I think I am already on Planet Saturn even before this birthday. The Void, the Transitional Space, the Nowhere Nothingness I have been experiencing sound sort of Saturn-y. I guess the Return landed faster when I embarked on an intensive soul-seeking journey. Uncertainty just upped its ante.

Is that why I am feeling sort of melancholy today? Saturn isn't really a destination of sunshine and daffodils.

But whatever it is, today is still a milestone! Happy Happy Birthday to me anyway! :)

Hear Me Roar!

2008-01-07T09:31:00.000+08:00

This is a really cool site: Power Animals Unleashed... About finding your personal Power Animal. Kinda like getting a daemon (ala the Golden Compass).

I got the Lion. I was surprised. I was expecting a tamer animal, like maybe a grass-eating gentle creature. But it's the Lion. And later I realized that's exactly the energy I needed. I have been dealing with one of my biggest fears these days, and by visualizing the Lion I receive a sense of courage and strength.

So Leo would be with me from now on. I am bringing his energy in as it's inner strength I need most since I am working on things like personal power, security and divine fierceness.

Check the site out. What's your Animal?

1/1/2008 - Happy Highest New Year!

2008-01-01T01:11:00.000+08:00

This year it's a private party, with me, my angels and my spiritual family. On the inner planes. Where we connect energetically and meditate for peace. The guest of honor is the Angel of Peace. It's after all a very auspicious date: 1.1.2008 = 1-1-1. Numbers that mark beginnings.

Yes, it's a different celebration this year. I chose to join other meditators to do this meditation. So many earthly parties are going on at the same time, yet this time around, I feel no pull towards that. I suppose it's because I (or really my soul) had already accepted an invitation to a party on another plane. :)

I could hear fireworks left and right outside my house as I travelled to another spot for that higher kind of big bash. There was dancing..with the light and our heartsongs. There were engaging conversations...with our inner god and goddesses of what our 2008 visions would be. There was fun and entertainment...when we joined in spirits. It was festive. I felt the energy of reunion, of peace, of connectedness, of familiarity. Such warmth. Mmmmm...

Anyway I made a list of my 2008 Soul Visions. Not resolutions - those are personality-based. These Soul Visions are continuously evolving and expanding.

I am more of I AM.
Soul growth is gentle, peaceful but profoundly powerful.
I receive and give love with an open heart.
I am living my Highest Purpose.
I am living my Highest Lifestyle.
I create and enjoy Highest Relationships.
I am experiencing and enjoying abundance everyday.
I am love. I am light.
I am aligned with my Divine Blueprint, Divine Wills, Divine Plans and Divine Self.
I trust the Universe and Spirit.
I experience and strengthen my natural creativity, inner strength, courage and wisdom.
My connections and natural bonds with my Angels, Archangels, Highest Spiritual Guides strengthens.
My connection to all of my Selves strengthens.
I am healthy and balanced in all my bodies - intellectual, emotional, physical, etheric and lightbody.
I surrender my personality and let Soul and Spirit take the lead. The Highest Light guides.
I bring more of my Divine Light to my Earthly Self.
I co-create Heaven on Earth.
Everyday I experience, bliss, beauty, self love and peace.
I am doing my Highest Work. I am in a career that is aligned with my Divine Blueprint.
I am enjoying yoga, mastering the art rapidly. I have high energy for bodyworks.
I am create with ease and flow.
I am writing, speaking and communicating more and more of my inner Truths with ease and flow.
I create abundance wherever I go and whenever I do things with passion and love.
I am loving to everyone, radiating Universal Love.
I have a beautiful, radiant and loving aura.
I master my inner spiritual abilities, bringing them into full mastery.
I inspire love wherever I am, whatever I do.
I love. I love. I love.

Happy New Year to all of you, my dearest Soulmates and Soul Family, Earthly friends and peers. May peace weave its way into your life within and without.

20/12: Innerwork with Archangel Metatron

2007-12-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago I went for an Angel Meditation session facilitated by Harris, a teacher and practitioner of Angel Miracles and Isis Lotus Healing.

The meditation centered around Archangel Hamied, well known for his ability to create miracles. The other four mighty Archangels; Michael, Raphael, Gabriel and Uriel were present as well.

Towards the end, Archangel Metatron dropped by and channelled a message to us through Harris. He asked to meditate and work with him on our Akashic Records on the 20th of December 2007.

That's today. And a pretty good day because it's a public holiday.

I did a 45-min session on my own today, first evoking the 7 Divine Wills and then connecting to Archangel Metatron. It was an intuitive decision to evoke them together. For some reason, the two energies complement each other, as Metatron is known as The Angel of Thought. The power of will, personal expression, communication and throat activity are some of his areas of expertise (correct me if I am wrong).

Many images arrived in my mind. One was being ushered to a library and given a big book, with blank pages. Metatron was there, telling me that if I look closer I'd see what my past lifetimes were. But, I wasn't really interested - I have no idea why, really. Was I afraid to look?

The book then disappeared. On the table was now a blueprint. Yes, I have intended to understand my blueprint. A pen also appeared in my hand. I could draft it, the Archangel told me. However at this point I was distracted because I felt myself flowing into another meditation space - one that was of higher note. The image disappeared, as I my heart raced because of the change of energy intensity. I couldn't keep my focus for long on this new space, and I came back down to my original frequency.

I was ready to end my session. But I got a nudge saying that Metatron's energy was still present, and to stay awhile. So I did. A new image came.

In my mind I saw the Archangel touched my hand - I actually felt my palms getting warm and tingly. When he removed his hand, a kind of bright green energy ray with red specks in it float above my palms. Then it changed into a rainbow ray that flew between both palms.

I asked Metatron how to use that energy. I was getting excited. No answer. Only when I calmed down and let go, another image came.

A glass screen (like those where we use it as whiteboards) appeared before me. I saw my Self sweeping my hands across the screen. I got a message that if ever I wanted to know anything, I could see it on this screen.

I returned to my awareness then, as I felt the energy of the room coming back to normal.

It was a good session, as I really got acquainted with Archangel Metatron. I have been working closely with Michael (for protection and spiritual courage), Gabriel (for creative writing work), Raphael (for healing), and Chamuel (for relationships) for sometime now. I am most familiar with Michael's energy. But I know little of Metatron. I have only heard of him through the Archangel Cards, but somehow he hadn't caught my attention - until that day during the Angel Meditation with Harris.

It made me wonder - was Metatron around when I worked with the Divine Wills? (I always request angels to be with me when I do any inner or spiritual work) The energy is different but yet so familiar. And during the 6 weeks that I worked with the Wills, I felt intuitively guided to work with my chakras as well. Metatron is in charge of our chakras too, you see. Synchronicity? Of course.

The energies are different. Michael's one is protective and guardian-like, Metatron's feel expansive, like a light bulb radiating; kind of like a spiritual high. Gabriel's one feels colorful, easy-going and creative. Raphael's comforting and Chamuel's a warmth in the heart. Kuan Yin's energy is like a cool, fresh breeze. Orin's is soft, simple and light. Buddha's one is immense, and feels golden - but in his presence, I always feel my heart racing because of very high frequency. Other ascended masters or higher beings that I don't work with give me the same heart-rush too - and it takes me some time to get used to it. I only work with those I intuitively feel drawn to, and whose energy I feel comfortable with. I have pretty strict spiritual boundaries.

Hot Work

2007-12-18T15:06:00.000+08:00

It's two hours after my HotStretch class at mYoga - and I am still feeling very warm. There are two studios installed with some kind of heater that brings up the temperature of the rooms. So it's like steaming while yoga-ing. According to the people at mYoga, when we work out under warm temperatures, our muscles loosen up quicker and we would get twice the effect of whatever workout we are doing.

I thought it's just a fancy thingy they install to give the rooms an extra edge, these HotStudios. But, boy...half hour into what were just simple stretches felt like a 2-hour yoga session. I was sweating, and really tired. Before that I was planning to go for a Fat Burn Cycling class - yeah right. OK, maybe it's my yet-to-be-high stamina...

Fishy Pricks

2007-12-17T22:49:00.001+08:00

Here's the funny thing. First there's the fishbone that got stuck somewhere in my throat. I tried everything that people on online forums suggested: a big mouthful of rice, a big glob of bread chased down by water, a chunk of banana and even milk. The last thing I tried was lemon (some say the acid helps to soften the bone) - but it's giving me a stomachache! The bone? Still there! Plus a tummy cramp...

Heart Songs

2007-12-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

I started on the 7th Divine Will today. It feels familiar because I have already been working with the Violet Flame (another name for the Sacred Transmutation Flame) for sometime.

This ray is powerful. The more you work with it, the more attuned you are with it, and it's really pretty effective in clearing blocks, denser energies and lower vibrations away.

While my previous experiences with the last three rays weren't as obvious as the first three, many things have shifted in my life. I can't really pinpoint what it is, even until now, because it's a little bit of everything. For example, the same issues would still crop up, but each time I'd get a clearer picture and I know there are many ways to go about it.

What's obvious is that life has become simpler, less cluttered with people and to-dos. Like today? It is the quietest Sunday I have had all year. No urgency to do anything. No rush to meet anyone. No anxiety to complete anything. Just me, myself and I. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Everything else seemed to be less important than they used to be.

And the best thing about it, I realize, is that the more space you allow in your life - like today when I emptied everything else up and minimized it to just being with myself - the better the energy flows. And the better your focus is. I have never been so focused ironing my shirts before. The mind was just on the diligent strokes I was pressing onto my G2000 workshirt.

Oh, my personality did get antsy after awhile, pulling my mind to what's next, what's next...In fact, I have to admit that I am not used to being in nothingness before. Who would have thought doing nothing is harder than being busy?

I like the quiescence. But it's not quiet "quiet", you know. If you pay close attention, in between the silence, there's a...I am actually having trouble finding words for this...a...soundless kind of music. I know, I am not making any sense. Trying my best to capture it into words here. It's a kind of rhythmic flow. It's also stillness. It's not a thing. There's really no-thing, but then it's everything.

That soundless music? The closest I can come up with is this: It's your heart song. And I mean it literally this time. It's not one of my poetic outbursts. It's a song, a music that I am hearing, but not really hearing. It's as if the heart is singing in this silent stillness. The feeling's almost the same as when I listen to music that touches me.

There are many things I cannot explain fully these days. But I really want to express the beauty I am experiencing. I find it difficult to share all this with people, actually...can anyone relate? When I talk about my experiences, most would either blank out or give a polite nod. I guess one can never understand when they haven't experience it. And spiritual experiences are all unique. Is it really better to just keep everything inside?

Golden Compass: A New Energy Movie?

2007-12-15T23:26:00.001+08:00

I went to see Golden Compass today. I thought it was going to be another Narnia+Harry Potter kind of movie. Well, it was, in a way, but it was actually better than Narnia and Harry Potter. When it ended (there's a cliffhanger ending), I didn't even realize that was all - I was looking forward to what comes next.

I'm not going to go in too deep about the movie. But I would like to point out the some underlying New Energy concepts that the movie was trying to portray.

1. Lyra is a true indigo. Either you hate her or you admire her courage for tearing down strongly held beliefs in her world. The "I Am" energy lives in her. She travels on her own, trusting the world to bring her help when she needs it.
Dust is the All That Is, the Source (or so I think, cos they didn't really explain it in the movie)
In the movie, Daemons are the people's souls. But they look more like personal guides to me.
The Authority is the Old Energy which still operates through fear and mind control.
Free Will is the core of the movie. The subject comes up again and again.
The witches seem more like spiritual warriors to me. They prophesied the coming of a 'battle' for free will.
When Lyra needed help, it comes through synchronicity.
The Golden Compass is actually the Third Eye. How someone reads it is similar to how we can access our inner wisdom - ask a question, hold it lightly and then let go. Lyra gets her readings through images in her mind.
The mention of crossing between worlds to understand the whole mystery of Dust could be about finding the truth and opening up to higher dimensions.

Spaciousness

2007-12-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

I spent the entire evening de-cluttering. I realize I have enough clothes to last me two lifetimes! Haha! And enough empty shopping bags to last me another two. What a shopaholic...hehe. Ok, I do use shopping as a therapy when I get into my blues and lows. A girl's thing?

It's not easy discarding things, even when it comes to things that I don't need. Cos some things are just so pretty - how to give away? But then what use do I have for them by holding on to them? How in the world did I end up so much stuff?!!

I also found a long-forgotten watch my ex gave me after he got back from New York some years ago. Felt a bit melancholy looking at it. And suddenly I found myself missing him - not in that I-want-to-get-back-with-him way. More like missing the connection. We were really good friends, soulmates to start with, until the dramas got in the way; and I couldn't let go of the resentment and blame for a very long time.

But now...I am no longer angry or resentful...in fact, there's a space within me that lets me see the higher side of our connection. I am smiling as I think about it now.

It was a beautiful thing, what we had before. He had always believed in me, what I can do. He had always been there to listen and to encourage me to go for what I want. He had tried to make it work between us. And I believe he had loved me before. Loved me enough to let me go when he knew he couldn't give me what I wanted out of a relationship.

Have I completely let go of the resentment? Have I completely forgiven him, and myself? In this space, now free of the gravity of resentment, can I find love for him again? This time, a soulful kind of love that embraces our eternal connection as divine beings? Can I sincerely bless and wish him all the love and light in the world?

Yes. I can and I am willing...and it frees me.

Bending, Folding and Twisting

2007-12-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

My abs feel weird. From Pilates. My legs feel numb. From a Dance Stretch class (yes, apparently you CAN do stretch dances!) Anyways. It's about time I went for a class/classes at mYoga. So I did two classes there today. It's brand new yoga centre (no, they won't let you call it a gym); environment's quiet and serene. Fully equipped and teachers are friendly. Of course there are still glitches here and there that I think can be rectified easily (like no hooks in the shower stalls; hence you have to drape your towels over the door).

Basic Pilates was good. Not too tough, not too simple either. Considering I do feel something in my abs, means I really worked it today.

Dance Stretch wasn't too bad either. Although the warm-up was a little too cardio-ish! I mean, if I wanna do split jumps, I would be at California Fitness. I was pondering whether to talk to the instructor about it.

I was getting a little frustrated when the cardio warm-ups came about, because it threw me off balance - too much energy scattered about. I mean, I just got my energy centered at my core during Pilates. So cardio warm-ups weren't so great - they became quite a shock to the system. I would definitely say something during the next class; and I am so going to skip the whole cardio thing.

But after the warm-ups, it was pretty cool. Dance Stretch is a combination of yoga postures, Indian-style dance (with hand gestures and twists) and basic stretching exercises. When the instructor started the class with "Om" chantings, I was like...okayyy this is more like it. The moves were choreographed according to different song tracks. I was pleasantly surprised when I heard a track from Deva Premal...now that's the way I like it! If only the entire album was played.. Then I would have dance moves for my favourite Deva tracks. Shante Prashante is rather sexy, and I can see some moves fitting in with the tune...

Why so intensively into yoga now? Cos my body says so. My body isn't taking very well to highly active cardio exercises anymore. I was actually a member at Fitness First for three years. It was all good during the first two years. But my consistency (and stamina) dropped drastically this year. I realized I was pushing too hard to work out. The environment was also getting too chaotic for me. There were a few times that I caught on the flu after workout sessions at the gym - serious! Yeah, it wasn't working for me anymore. So I figured it's time to listen to what my body wants. Perhaps yoga is the answer. After all I do need some form of exercise - most of all to ground the building energies in me.

Based on my own experiences, I realize when I do intensive meditation and energywork, I generate a more active kind of chi inside. At times I feel like a pressure cooker with energies bubbling in me, looking for somewhere to flow to. I'd get restless, antsy, edgy and simply weighed down. I feel as if my physical body cannot withstand or keep up with the stronger inner energies. Dizziness happens, hot and cold flushes come about. Sometimes, I find I have to stop energywork until my body stabilizes.

I am still exploring how to balance my inner energies - how to align with the flow. I am also exploring the different kinds of inner energies. Of course they all come from the same source, but they can appear in different forms. I have discovered my creative energy that can be channeled consciously into my writing work, or any creative work. There's also the very pure form which comes straight from the heart chakra - you can transmit it directly to people (it feels extremely good!), or transform it into creative energy or life energy (one that energizes you). And there are the lower vibrating ones that emerge from negative emotions like guilt, jealousy, etc - they can be released or transformed too. And, the breath holds life energy as well. Breathe in deeply and use the third eye to guide the light from the breath to the entire body. That energizes too. And, oh, you can ask for energizing energy from nature as well. Yes, it is that simple: Dear Tree, please energize me. They are really generous with their chi - serious!

So, I think yoga would help. I'd see what my body says. Pilates is energizing because it uses the breath to work the abs - that's centering energy to the core. And because you have to breathe in all the way into the stomach, and then squeeze them all out until your stomach is like a deflated balloon, that's actually an exercise to allow the chi from breath to travel through the body.

12/12: Re-creating the Self Day

2007-12-12T12:12:00.000+08:00

It's 12/12. Because of the number, some people say that today is a spiritually good day. Some say it's D-day to re-create yourself.

Here's what Amy, a regular contributor of artofallowing@yahoogroups.com said: "...12/12 is a powerful day. A day of high vibration energy. No duality... all energies are magnificent. There are no energies to be labeled bad or negative and none to be labeled good or positive. They are all divine."

She suggested that for today, we re-write our Selves and our lives: ie. a new name (because our names carry a lot of our past stories wrapped in that energy); and a new history (so we can create a new life based upon this new history).

She gives an example:

"Your childhood and family life were XXXX(fill in ) . You're an XXX (fill in) and are widely recognized and respected XXX. You CREATE A LIFE by choosing whatever you choose to fill in! You are married (or not) to an amazing (man or woman) who is an XXX (fill in) and does XXX (fill in)! Your marriage and relationship are XXX and XXXXXX (fill in!) You have X kids of X ages doing XX or in school here XXX. Or whatever you want to "try on" living."

It's a wonderful idea - something to get your Inner Creator talents kickstarted! You can use this as an information gathering technique during your manifestation process. It helps to fine-tune your intentions and desires.

I have been doing this 'Life Scriptwriting' for awhile now actually; especially when I want to know how a new goal 'feels'. Much like writing for a screenplay, I give myself a screen name and then start in the middle of a future goal that has already been manifested.

Say, I have a goal to live in a white bungalow facing the ocean. So this Screen Lily will already be staying there. When I do this, the mind automatically paints a picture of how I would like that house to be - the interior, the exterior, the rooms, the furniture, and even my dream pets (a Pomeranian) is part of the story.

It's a fun activity as I get to try out different roles. Who says you need to be a superstar to star in your own TV series? :P

Surf the Waves

2007-12-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

Steve Pavlina has a great post on how to take action consistently. It's basically just two simple steps:

Think about a goal, and visualize how you intend it to be. Do that for a few minutes, until you feel energy building up; aka you get aroused.
When you are aroused, "surf the waves" and start doing whatever you need to be doing before the energy waves ebbed.

I tried it on an article I was working on, and yes, once I gathered enough excitement for my goal (it took only 5 mins), I got easily into a 4-hr flow. I completed the 1200 worder! Yay!

I think this works well with goals that you are actually excited about. But when it comes to things you have absolute no passion for, the energy just won't peak. Which is good actually. That way it also works as a filter to see if your goals are truly what your soul desire or if they are simply a personality goal.

Website Launched!

2007-12-10T15:35:00.000+08:00

Finally my website is up and running! After fervently writing for one full month and learning about the techie part of blogging - the basic's all set-up now. Yay! Best of all, it's two days earlier than I have orginally targeted. Giving myself a congratulatory pat on back now. :) But of course, being the ambitious one (yeah, maybe it's a personality intention :P), it doesn't just stop here...what's next, what's next?