Spaciousness

I spent the entire evening de-cluttering. I realize I have enough clothes to last me two lifetimes! Haha! And enough empty shopping bags to last me another two. What a shopaholic...hehe. Ok, I do use shopping as a therapy when I get into my blues and lows. A girl's thing?

It's not easy discarding things, even when it comes to things that I don't need. Cos some things are just so pretty - how to give away? But then what use do I have for them by holding on to them? How in the world did I end up so much stuff?!!

I also found a long-forgotten watch my ex gave me after he got back from New York some years ago. Felt a bit melancholy looking at it. And suddenly I found myself missing him - not in that I-want-to-get-back-with-him way. More like missing the connection. We were really good friends, soulmates to start with, until the dramas got in the way; and I couldn't let go of the resentment and blame for a very long time.

But now...I am no longer angry or resentful...in fact, there's a space within me that lets me see the higher side of our connection. I am smiling as I think about it now.

It was a beautiful thing, what we had before. He had always believed in me, what I can do. He had always been there to listen and to encourage me to go for what I want. He had tried to make it work between us. And I believe he had loved me before. Loved me enough to let me go when he knew he couldn't give me what I wanted out of a relationship.

Have I completely let go of the resentment? Have I completely forgiven him, and myself? In this space, now free of the gravity of resentment, can I find love for him again? This time, a soulful kind of love that embraces our eternal connection as divine beings? Can I sincerely bless and wish him all the love and light in the world?

Yes. I can and I am willing...and it frees me.